Revelations from Myself
by CaptKJaneway peadom
Summary: This was written for Secret Santa 2011. Belanna asked for A Somewhat dark alpha male J/C story


This was written for Secret Santa 2011. Belanna asked for A Somewhat dark alpha male J/C story

No Goes: Seven of Nine or Naked Neelix

Rating: NC-17

:hug: to Nyah and Shanasedai for reading through the first part and helping me get my muse back on track. You ladies are wonderful.

Please bear with me as this story is not completely beta'd. Any mistakes within are my own fault.

Disclaimer: They don't belong to me. I just borrowed them and Yes I put them back when I was done. :)

'With all due respect Captain, have you lost your damn mind?'

Kathryn turned to face her first officer. She did not need to see the PADD in his hand to know what he was pissed about . She knew the numbers. She had reviewed the security reports personally. She had left a full security briefing with the top three security officers less than three hours ago. She knew that getting up close and personal with the 'former' Inspector would not make the situation any safer for them and in all honesty would probably put her in a precarious situation. But it would give her the ammunition she needed to end this cat and mouse game they were tapped in.

Plus it would allow her to relieve some of the sexual tension that filled her any time she spent more than five minutes with Chakotay. It seemed like she found herself running from meetings with him to her bedroom with its delightful stash of sex toys or to the holodeck and her personal program that included a delightful and illegal holo copy of the first officer of Voyager.

"Chakotay, I don't want to hear it. I already know what you're going to say, so let me save you the trouble. " She motioned him to the chair across from her. "It's a strategic move, and contrary to what you think. I know _exactly_ what I am doing."

She stood and walked to the replicator. Ordering another coffee for her and the herbal tea blend she knew he favored. She took a deep breath and mentally prepared herself for the next salvo.

"Captain, I must officially log my objection to this proposed course of action."

_So he is going to try and keep this professional. _She thought to herself.

"Grievance noted!" her response was terse, correct for the command structure by Starfleet regulations. She furrowed her brow in annoyance, she'd given the perfect opening. She'd been giving him the perfect opening for months. Kathryn sighed into her coffee mug, wondering for the millionth time where her Angry Warrior had disappeared to. Stars know she'd tried countless times to find a way to prompt him to aggressively take the reins of their personal relationship from friends and command team to lovers.

"But you will do what you always do. Whatever the hell you want!" he stated, his fury burning the air around them.

"Yes, Commander. That's right." She stated, waving her hand dismissively, turning from him to stare out the view pane.

She cut her eyes over to the large man across from her. His face was flushed, his anger evident in the tight fists held in his lap, in the large veins showing on his neck. Finally she was getting a reaction. Now if she could just push him over that last barrier.

Kathryn stood, draining the last of her coffee. She leaned down and stated in a sultry tone. "Besides, what else is there for me to do on a 'off duty' night."

She missed the look of fury that crossed his face as she turned and sashayed out of her ready room into the hall beyond, sure that she had finally found the right button to push.

_You want to know why she just walked out?_

Chakotay's head snapped up, eyes burning with emotions held back by rank and protocols. There lounging on the couch across from his was…himself. Dressed in Maquis leather, looking every bit the ruthless rebel Captain from a few years ago, eyes twinkling darkly.

"You're really going soft, aren't you?" his double taunted him.

Chakotay closed his eyes, breathing deeply, wondering what the hell she had put in that tea. He tried to focus his mind, center his breathing. In and out. In and out. In and…

"You know that it's not going to help, Commander!" the other Chakotay's voice broke the silence, shattering his concentration.

Chakotay opened his mouth to demand an explanation, or maybe to call for security, but was cut off.

"Let me save you the trouble," the _other_ said, counting off his fingers. "One, I am not an alien, intruder, hoax or hijinx. Two, I am you, or at least part of you. Three, You aren't crazy, although some will think you are if you share this with them. And Four, no one will find my presence on any diagnostic, scan or technological procedure that you can come up with. Five, you can call me…Pax."

'Pax' leaned forward and placed his chin in his palm, head cocked sideways.

"Okay, _Pax_. Why are you here then?" Chakotay's voice was laced with acid.

_This had better not be one of Paris' jokes. _ He thought to himself.

"I am here to convince you that you are an idiot."

"I don't know what you are talking about!" Fury flew into Chakotay's eyes again.

"No?" Pax stood, moving slowly toward Chakotay, sarcasm tainting his words. "You are in love with the little red head in charge, but you are too afraid to take it. Especially since she so obviously wants you to!"

Chaotay's eyes raised up, glittering dangerously, hands tightened on the edge of the chair, knuckles white. "Be very careful what you say next!"

"Or what?" Pax laughed. "You don't have the balls to do anything about it! You don't have the balls to bend that Captain of yours over the nearest flat surface and give her a good fucking! For stars sake man, the woman begs for your dick every time she gets within five fee…" the rest of his words were lost under Chakotay's scream of rage. Eyes red, Chakotay threw himself at the other man, only to find himself falling into the floor when Pax disappeared, only to reappear in the now vacated chair, a satisfied smirk on his face.

"So, we still have some fire left, eh? Good because you will need it to tame your witch!"

"You going to have to explain that." Chakotay pull himself up onto the couch, pride bruised.

"Why do you think you are just friends with the luscious captain?"

"Protocols." The answer fell from Chakotay's lips automatically.

"You know better." Pax said quietly.

"The ship. The crew. Our command structure." Chakotay began to recite the litany that she drilled into his head after New Earth.

"Try again." Pax stated.

Chakotay stopped and thought back over the last few months. The meetings between the two of them that usually ended with a hug. The slight smiles, the eye contact, the little touches. All the 'chance' brushes of their bodies. It felt like he was looking at a hidden picture puzzle and the longer he thought about it, the clearer the hidden picture became.

"No!" the denial was torn from his throat.

"Yes!" Pax's voice came confident, triumphant. "Now you see. After pushing you away and telling you no for so long , she has been pushing you to take control!"

"Then why? Why would she choose to fuck an alien over me? Why not just come to me?" The anger was back, spiraling through his body, burning him from the inside. Every excuse, every hesitation falling victim to the flames, until only ashes were left. Reality and understanding crashed together around him.

"She needs me to be in control. I have to control her!" His words fell into the empty room. He looked around for Pax only to realize that he **_was_**Pax. Pax was the part of him that had left Starfleet to fight the Cardassians. The part of him that was always in charge. A smile played across his face. Pax was the part of him that Kathryn wanted! He rose and exited the room.

He could hear her moving around in her bedroom. Staying in the shadows just outside her bedroom, he watched as she prepared for her lover. She ran her fingertips of the colored bottles before her, slowly selecting one. The cream slid over her skin, the strokes of her hands drawing his attention to flushed skin. The gown played peekaboo over chest, hinting at the passion within her. Anticipation glittered in her eyes. Anticipation for someone else.

"All of that for an alien?" He took satisfaction from her yelp of surprise. Then mild annoyance filled him as she pulled her 'mask' back on. He could see her building it as she pulled her robe from the back of the chair.

"What are you doing in here Commander?" She stressed his rank.

"Oh no Kathryn" He stated, smiling, removing his jacket and turtleneck. "Since you are so far out of uniform, I do not think that ranks are appropriate." He paused to take in the sight of her body incased in pale pink silk. Passion filled his eyes, no effort on his part made to hide his thoughts.

"Well I am busy." She retorted, motioning towards the door. "So you will forgive me if I do not see you out!" The note of authority in her voice caused his cock to twitch happily.  
"God you are so fucking sexy when you order me around." The words spilled out. "But that is not what I want." He took two steps towards her. She hit her comm. Badge.

"Janeway to Security."

"Don't bother." He cut her off, smirking. "I terminated your comm badge remotely.

Her growl of anger fanned the flames within him. He was so close to his goal. Just a few more precautions.

"Computer, lock the entrance to these quarters. Block all transports and scans and relay all comm signals to the standby system. Authorization Maquis 3987 Kolar." He paused watching her face for comprehension to set it. "Now, I understand you are in need of entertainment for the evening."

Her head lifted, eyebrow arched, blue eyes furious.

"Thank you for the 'concern' Chakotay, but I have plans already." He could see the pulse in her neck jumping. She turned from him to enter the private sanctum of her bathroom. Chakotay felt his control snap.

_How dare she! Did she not understand that HE was in charge now!_

He reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her.

"Release me Now!" she demanded.

"Why him Kathryn?" his question was calm, none of his inner turmoil showing.

"He doesn't take no for an answer." She spit the response in his face and moved towards the other room again. His fingers tightened on her arm, tight enough to bruise. He could see the pain in the tightening of her eyes.

"Is that all you need Kathryn? You just need a man to push so that you don't should all the guilt? All the responsibility?" He growled, jerking her against him. Her gasp of astonishment fanned the inferno raging inside him.

Chakotay stared down at the woman in his arms. He knew every line of her face, every curve of her body. Her blue eyes were filled with anticipation, need and just a small thread of fear. The fear sent shockwaves through his body. The tingling sensation wrapping around the flames of desire and swirled through the fury that filled his mind. The twin fires pulsated through his system, heightening his awareness.

Her protest was lost against his lips. He pressed against her lips hard enough that she was forced to open them to avoid her lip being cut on her teeth. His tongue swept past her defenses. She tasted of coffee and spices. The aroma of the musky scented lotion filled his head. The knowledge that this was the smell that she wore for her other lover jerked his head back, away from her.

His hands tightened in the material of her gown. Satisfaction filled him as the material shredded under his grasp. He drank in the sight of Kathryn standing there, astonished, mouth open, wearing nothing but her skin. She opened her mouth, to demand an explanation or to dress him down, he was sure. He stopped her cold, yanking her around and pressing his body flush against her back side.

"You smell like a whore!" he snarled in her ear, pushing her into the bathroom. "Computer Activate Sonic Shower." He barked the order thrusting her into the cubicle.

His eyes roamed her body possessively, taking in the curve of her breasts, the dip in her waist. Kathryn did not make any attempt to cover herself, instead she stood in the shower, eyes glowing with passion and waited. The computer beeped indicating the end of the cleaning cycle. He reached into the small space and yanked Kathryn out, placing a hand over her mouth to stop any questions or protest.

"Stars you feel good." He whispered, pressing his erection against her ass.

He pushed her into the bedroom, removing his talk and shoes in the process. She turned to face him.

"Ok so what now." She goaded him. "Are you going to finish this or are you going to walk away just like every other time we get to close to these boundaries?"

Those words clenched the reality in his mind. She did want this. He wanted him to take command.

"Come here." He ordered. Kathryn took three steps towards him. He placed his hand on her shoulders and pushed her to her knees. "Undo my pants." Her fingers slid over the materials of his trousers, releasing the catch and opening them to reveal the Starfleet issue boxers beneath. Without being told, her fingers curled into the edge of the materials working it over the curve of his ass and down to his knees. He watched her head move around his cock. The sight tightened the muscles in his midsection. His pants fell to ankles.

"Now, Suck!" his fingers slid through the red tresses, guiding her mouth to the tip of his erection. The heat of her mouth seared him. It took all of his control not to finish right then. He tightened his fingers in her hair, lifting her to her feet. He moved her backwards towards the bed.

Laying her across the foot of her bed, he lowered his head to her breasts. He tongued each nipple until they both stood at attention. Her scent filled his head, sending him reeling. The need to dominate her began to give way to the desire to simply possess her.

Trailing kisses across her belly, his fingers playing up and down the folds between her legs.

"Tell me what you want Kathryn." One finger slipped into the opening under the red curls. Her moan was the only response. He shook his head. "Not good enough Kathryn. Tell me what you want." Another finger joined the first one, thrusting hard. He swirled his tongue around her swollen clit, drinking in the spicy heat that coated her. Her hands fisted in his hair and he could feel that she was getting close. He lifted his head, but continued to play with her slippery wetness.

"I will only ask one more time Kathryn. What do you want?" He bit off each word, flicking his finger at the same time. Blue eyes met black across the passion flushed length of her body. She licked her lips and gave him the answer he wanted.

"You."

He smiled and shook his head. "Me huh? What about me?" Her eyes narrowed, arms reaching for him. He circled her clit with his thumb, bowing her back and causing her eyes to shutter closed. "You are going to have to tell me Kathryn. I will not have any misunderstandings or miscommunications tonight."

With that statement he removed his hand from between her legs and stood, looking down at the bared form of his commanding officer. He could see the sweetness coating her mound, testament to her denied passion. He longed to slide between her legs and bury himself within her until they both passed out from the pleasure. He also needed her to come to him. After all the months of games and innuendo, he wanted…no he needed her to admit what she wanted out loud.

"Make love to me Chakotay." Her voice was clear and strong, no hesitation evident in it. Her eyes opened and met his, desire shining from them. She opened her arms, reaching for him, beckoning him to her warmth. Still he hesitated. "Please Chakotay. I need you!" her voice was a little more tentative, a little more gravelly with need.

"That is what I wanted to hear!" his voice was hoarse, his control gone. He guided himself into her center, lips meeting hers halfway. He lost himself in the deeper heat of her passion. His body moved automatically to the symphony of her cries. The feel of her nails digging into his shoulders, his hips drove him deeper into her core, tempo increasing. He could not tell where he ended and she began. His rhythm stumbled, responding to the shuddering waves rolling through her body. Ecstasy exploded through his body, driving him to the hilt inside of her.

He lay his head next to hers.

"I love you."

Kathryn lay there on the bed, eyes closed, body limp with satisfaction, heart soaring at the sound of the three words that she had longed to hear. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close.

"I love you too." She whispered, lacking the ability to speak any louder.


End file.
